Watching a girl flirt with your boyfriend can be emotionally challenging and unpleasant. She might laugh extra loudly at his jokes, touch him in an overly affectionate way, or flirt in general - in public. Figuring out what to do in this situation is hard because you don’t want to falsely accuse her or your boyfriend of infidelity, but you’re also hurt by their actions. You can know whether or not this girl is attempting to take your boyfriend from you, that is what this article is for. You can also take action to ensure that you feel secure and loved in your relationship. Read on from step number one below to tell if any girl is trying to steal your boyfriend.

方法一：观察她的行为

1. 留意她是怎么“撩”的

Just because she flirts with your boyfriend does not mean she’s trying to steal him. She might flirt with him to build up her own self-esteem or because she wants to be friends with him. Does she flirt with everyone, or just with your boyfriend specifically? If she generally comes off as flirty, it’s doubtful that your boyfriend is a special case. If she makes special effort to flirt with your boyfriend, she might have a crush on him.

可以重点观察这些暧昧行为：

• 她经常主动碰他，比如拍手臂、挽胳膊等。
• 和他说话时总是直视他的眼睛，眼神停留时间很长。
• 他讲的笑话，不管好不好笑，她都笑得特别夸张。
• 聊天时身体总是朝向他，重心偏向他那一侧。
• 在人群中，她总是主动找他聊天、搭话。

2. 看看她是否总想和他单独相处

If the girl wants to be alone with your boyfriend, it demonstrates that her flirting is not just for social power and self-esteem. Make note of when they spend time alone together.

可以留意这些情况：

• 她约他去只有两个人的活动，比如一起看电影、喝咖啡、吃午餐等。
• 她经常以“帮忙”为由单独约他，比如让他去她家帮忙换灯泡、搬东西等。
• 她提议和他一起散步、单独出去走走。
• 当他说要去另一个房间拿水、接电话时，她主动说“我也去”，并跟着一起走。

3. 注意她是否频繁给他发消息或打电话

Is your boyfriend secretive about his texts with her? Does she call or text him more than you would with a platonic friend? Although this communication does not mean that she wants to be more than friends, it can be a red flag.

你可以这样判断：

• 如果你发现他总在和某个人发消息，可以自然地问一句“你在跟谁聊呀？”如果他明显闪烁其词、转移话题或变得防备，那很可能就是她。
• 不要偷偷翻他手机或聊天记录，那是对隐私的侵犯，也会伤害信任。如果你觉得他在说谎，更好的做法是直接谈“信任感”的问题。
• 有调查显示，多数人不会主动去破坏别人已有的感情，但也并非绝对。所以频繁联系本身不一定代表她一定想抢人，但确实值得你提高警觉。

方法二：处理自己的嫉妒情绪

1. 先承认：你就是在吃醋

Naming your jealousy is the first step to overcoming it. Let yourself feel your jealous emotions for a little bit. Jealousy in small doses can be a positive thing for a relationship because it reminds you that you want to be in a monogamous relationship. However, do not let your jealousy consume you. Name it as jealousy and try to mentally separate it from the rest of your life.

简单说：

• 告诉自己：“我现在就是在嫉妒。”
• 允许自己难过一会儿，但不要让这种情绪占据你整个人生。
• 适度的吃醋，说明你在乎这段关系；但过度的猜疑，会把关系推远。

2. 记住：情绪≠事实，你可以选择不被情绪牵着走

Jealous feelings are only feelings, after all. Understand that what you think and what occurs in reality may not be identical. Accept your jealous feelings as jealous feelings, but do not mistake them for what is actually happening. These jealous feelings are separate from your feelings for and your relationship with your boyfriend.

也就是说：

• 你脑子里想象的“他们是不是怎样怎样了”，不一定就是真相。
• 承认“我现在很不安”，但不要立刻用指责、翻手机、冷战等方式发泄。
• 把“情绪”与“事实”分开，先稳住自己，再决定要不要、以及怎么去沟通。

3. 多想想：你本身就很有价值

Think about your own positive traits. Write down three things you like about yourself everyday. For every time you give yourself a put down, give yourself a compliment, too. Improving your own self-esteem and focusing on your own positive qualities will remind you that you are an awesome person to date.

可以试试：

• 每天写下三件你欣赏自己的地方（性格、能力、外貌都可以）。
• 每当你在心里贬低自己一次，就刻意给自己一个正向评价。
• 自信的人更有吸引力，也更不容易被嫉妒情绪拖垮。

方法三：和男朋友好好谈一谈

1. 列出让你不舒服的具体情景

Think about what specifically makes you uneasy in this situation. Is it that you feel that your boyfriend is paying more attention to her than to you? Do you wish that your boyfriend would spend less time with his friends and more time with just you? Try to pinpoint what exactly makes you uncomfortable.

例如：

• 她总是用你觉得“太亲密”的方式去碰他。
• 周末他和她在一起的时间，比和你在一起的还多。
• 你们在约会时，他还在给她发消息、打电话。
• 他们会在你面前互相调情、开暧昧玩笑。

把这些情景写下来，能帮你更清楚自己到底在介意什么。

2. 先冷静一天，再决定怎么说

Let your thoughts sit while your jealousy simmers down a little bit. Make sure that the issues you address in your list are really what is bothering you. Look again at your list the next day and revise it.

简单做法：

• 先把想说的话记下来，不要当场爆发。
• 隔一天再看这份清单，删掉那些只是“一时冲动”的内容，保留真正让你长期不舒服的点。

3. 选一个安静、双方都平静的时机谈

Talk to your boyfriend in a quiet, calm setting. Designate a time to have a conversation just the two of you. Don’t talk to him when you are initially upset. Instead, address the issue when you are both feeling calm and rational.

你可以这样开头：

• “这两周我感觉你跟她在一起的时间比跟我多，我有点不安全感，想跟你说说我的感受。”
• “我知道你很享受和她的友情，但有时候她跟你相处的方式，会让我有点不舒服。”
• “我整体上是满意我们这段关系的，只是有些地方，如果能调整一下，我会更有被重视的感觉。”

4. 一起设定你们关系里的“边界”

Each couple has their own "rule book" — some couples would see going to the movies with another girl as highly inappropriate, whereas other couples would consider this and other intimate contact okay. Having an open conversation about what each partner expects is key to guiding acceptable behaviors. Be clear about your needs — your boyfriend may have no idea his friendship or flirtation with this other girl upsets you.

可以这样做：

• 和他一起明确你们的期待，比如：“我不想你完全不和女生做朋友，但当我们在一起时，我希望你把注意力放在我身上，而不是一直回她消息。”
• 避免模糊、带情绪的表达，比如“你要多陪我”。可以具体一点：“我希望我们每周至少有一个只属于我们两个人的约会晚上。”
• 把你不能接受的行为说清楚，比如：“我不太能接受你帮别的女生按摩背，这让我觉得不被尊重。”
• 同时也要听听他的想法和底线，边界是两个人一起商量出来的。

5. 用“我”来表达，而不是“你怎么总是……”

Address the concerns you have about your boyfriend’s relationship with the other girl calmly. Do not accuse him of infidelity. Focus on constructive ways to improve your relationship. Use specific language to ask him to change certain things about the way he interacts with the girl.

例如：

• “当你周五晚上选择和她单独去看电影时，我会很不舒服。我更希望要么我也一起去，要么你们约一群朋友一起。”
• “当我们在一起时，你一直在和她发消息、分享你们的内梗，我会觉得被忽略和受伤。”

6. 谈话最后，记得给关系一点“正向反馈”

Finish your conversation by giving your boyfriend a compliment or by showing affection for him. If you’re working through the problems in your relationship, that’s a positive thing!

你可以说：

• “我真的很享受我们认真相处的时间。”
• “我觉得你在我有问题的时候，会认真听我说，这对我很重要。”
• “和你在一起，我整体是开心、有被支持的感觉的。”

方法四：把注意力放回你们的关系本身

1. 一起去做一些新鲜、有趣的事

Sharing experiences and making new memories together will strengthen the bond of your relationship.

你们可以尝试：

• 一起上 Zumba 或其他舞蹈、健身课。
• 选一天一起做一顿稍微“折腾一点”的大餐。
• 周末去一个没去过的小城市或景点短途旅行。
• 开车去远一点的地方徒步、看风景。
• 一起学冲浪、滑板等新技能。
• 一起去动物救助站或公益机构做志愿者。
• 报个摄影课、手工课之类的兴趣班。

2. 每周留出固定的“只属于你们”的时间

Designate a period of time (it doesn’t matter how long or short it is!) when you and your boyfriend promise to focus only on each other. Cook dinner together, watch a movie, or just talk about your day at school or work. Making time for one another is an important way of strengthening your relationship.

关键是：

• 这段时间里，尽量不被手机、工作、其他人打扰。
• 不一定要做多浪漫的事，哪怕只是一起做饭、散步、聊天，都能拉近距离。

3. 学会问一些能拉近关系的问题

Make your partner feel loved and respected. Effective communication is key to any good relationship.

你可以问：

• “最近有什么是我可以帮到你的吗？”
• “你最喜欢我们这段关系的哪一点？”
• “我可以做哪些小事，让你更能感受到我爱你？”

这些问题能让你们更了解彼此的需要，也能让他感受到你是在“经营关系”，而不是只会“查岗”和怀疑。